I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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