There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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