Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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