i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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