I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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