Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize