the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
