My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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