allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize