Midget sex pt 2 tonight
they need to just BURY HIM!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
