I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
