so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
