My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
