no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
