i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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