Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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