also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
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i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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