I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize