i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
