Christians are straight up FREAKS
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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