You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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