Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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