Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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