Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
