i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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