I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
