well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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