I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
