i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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