i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
