you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
