It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
