Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
