Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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