That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
