My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
