did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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