I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
