im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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