I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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