That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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