I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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