Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
