i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
