I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
