If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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