Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
