I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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