the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
