so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
