Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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