I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
