dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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