I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
