I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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