How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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