Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
