how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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