I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
3pm strippers are depressing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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