There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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