i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
